Random thought on Life, Judo Olympics, Judo Self Defense, The Art or Judo Kata, Judo An International Sport. Things that inspire or annoy me or things that I just had to write down.Setting Clear Respectful Boundaries
Good relationships often depend on us being open with each other. But that is also the path to being hurt. The best thing you can do is to set clear respectful boundaries. Doing so will help good friends and even those who you are just getting to know, to navigate the path to a healthy relationship with you.
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I am told that the Japanese have a saying, “Fix the problem, not the Blame”.
Put another way, “when you have an argument, fight fare, no name calling.
It is vital that when we have a problem with someone, we stick to dealing with the specifics, what the core issue is. We have to be clear. We have to be sure to avoid generalisation.
It is no good saying,
“Can you stop being annoying”.The person you are saying that to may have no idea what they are doing that annoys you.
You have to be specific, saying things like,
“stop being a child”That is not helpful because it gives the other person no understanding of what particular behaviour you don't like.
In contrast saying things like, “I enjoy your jokes most of the time but I do not like it when you make fun of my hair” is specific, clear and respectful.
Sounds straightforward enough but it is not always that easy when someone has said something that triggers or upsets you. They may sometimes not even understand what they have said to bother you.
There are techniques that can use you navigate these tricky relationship issues. They are not difficult to apply but they have to be done respectfully.
This video, below, outlines a number of strategies that you can use to help you through to potentially a satisfactory solution to improve relationships and hopefully build friendships
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